CasaSugar

Ask Someone Dealing With Depression: Should I Be Mad at My Friend For Telling People I'm Depressed?

TresSugar — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, someone who deals with depression gives advice to a woman who is mad at her friend for telling people in her circle that she is depressed. If you have a question, you can submit them here.

This week's question:

I shared my struggles with depression with my closest female friend and told her that I did not want anyone else to know about it. She decided that because I wasn't answering her calls she would call the wife of a leader in our church and ask her for my husband's cell phone number so she could call him, asking about me. My "best friend" told the woman that I was going through something serious and when the woman said, "At least she's not seeking outside help" my friend said, "Well, I don't know for sure if she is or isn't."

Why else would she call her and say those things unless her intentions were to let her know about my situation and to inform her I "might" be seeking outside help for my depression? I found out about this conversation from the leader's wife and she only admitted to it after she knew that I knew about it. She insists that she only had my good in mind.

The thing is, it was a really huge deal to me that these people not be in on it because I know that they would attack me for being depressed in the first place, and also if I sought help outside of the church. The last thing I needed at that time was some church discipline. I was really suffering! I am so mad at my best friend for saying anything; should I forgive her?

Signed,

Angry and Depressed

To hear what someone dealing with depression has to say, read more.

Dear Angry and Depressed,

There seem to be three related but separate issues here: one is your anger at your friend, the second is the question of how your church is handling this, and the third is how to actually manage your struggle with depression.

As someone who has been through a lot with both depression and anxiety, I empathize with your situation. Depression hurts. As for your friend, I think you need to assess who this friend is to you, and whether she reached out to others because she was simply worried and didn't know how to handle it. While the outcome might have been a problem, if she did it out of legitimate concern I think she may be a real friend who just handled things badly because she cares and was confused about what to do.

My major concern with what you have said is that your church community thinks there is something wrong with getting outside help. Admittedly, I am not religious and have never belonged to a church, but I strongly feel that a community of any kind that is truly concerned with one of their members' well-being will support them in what they need, and not be judgmental about what that support might be. I think it would be worth explaining to your friend that what she might have considered finding you support actually feels like discipline, and that she needs to be more sensitive to what you need.

Finally there is the question of your depression itself. I do not want to assume you are in a situation where professional help from a therapist or doctor would be appropriate, but severe depression is something you need to talk to a professional about. If you feel like you are not getting help from your friends, family, or church, you're taking care of yourself by asking for outside help. Doctors are legally required to respect your privacy, and you could ask if they would refer you to a therapist.

Far more people struggle with depression than we can imagine when we are sitting alone with our thoughts, and there is support out there for you. You may just have been going through a rough patch and not need anything further, but depression is too serious a condition not to explore your options. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't seem like you can't find the right person to help you right away, but there are also lots of great people out there who can help. As for your friend, tell her how her action made you feel, give her the benefit of the doubt, and seek some relief for your pain from professionals. Good luck!

Would You Like to Live in a Converted Cathedral?

CasaSugar — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 09:00:00 -0700

In past two years or so, I've written about several churches, cathedrals, and chapels converted into homes and, in one case, a bookstore - see here, here, and here. In each case, the architectural transformation was flawless. I just spotted another holy conversion, and although I am disappointed with the décor, I am now convinced that it is my destiny to live in a converted place of worship. You can't find arched windows, stained glass, and "cathedral" ceilings like that any where else. There's actually a former Gothic church up for sale here in San Francisco, and as soon as I collect $9.95 million in indulgences, it'll be mine!
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Coveted Crib: A Converted Church in London

CasaSugar — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 07:45:40 -0700

I've shown you several converted churches in the past, and they always seem to be a hit. So, when I came across a church that was converted to a home in Kensal Green, London, I couldn't help but share it with you. This beauty features large floor-to-ceiling windows surrounding a huge open space, a large fireplace, a gorgeous courtyard garden, a balcony overlooking the main space, and best of all, great light! I'd have to say it's a more desirable pad than most of the coveted celebrity cribs in London. To take a tour, check out this slideshow. Source

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Get Your Kids to Behave in Church or Synagogue

babysugar — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 05:00:47 -0700

My grandma used to pinch her children if they moved a centimeter or made a noise in church. My mom used to allow me to draw on the offering envelopes with the matched up pencil.

Since Easter and Passover are upon us, here are some tips to help you get through the worshiping hours without devilish screams or whining.

To see what the secret weapons are, read more.

Small notepad or coloring book.
Crayons.
Snack like raisins, Goldfish or Cheerios.
Books.
Favorite stuffed animal.
Nothing - let them be bored.

Maybe your tot is wise beyond his years and can understand the diatribe being espoused from the pulpit. But until then, help the adults and families around you enjoy the divine moments by keeping your babe content.

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In the News: A Renovated Cancer Hospital Chapel

CasaSugar — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 06:45:44 -0700

Cynthia and Dan Lufkin turned the chapel of New York City's first cancer hospital - New York Cancer Hospital, built in the 1880s - into a three-level Manhattan apartment. The hospital had been in a state of disrepair for 25 years, with "rats, holes in the roof, dust, a wooden ceiling that was falling apart, missing windows, [and] plaster walls that had rotted away to the bricks." Instead of trying to recreate all of the original architectural details, they "tried to preserve a feeling of its history." What that resulted in was a vaulted wood ceiling mimicking one in an old photo of the place, period hanging globe lamps, a new spiral staircase and Gothic-style fireplace, and stenciled plaster walls actually inspired "by a medieval tapestry in a 19th-century British abbey," not original to the house. To see an interior shot of the house, and find out some more interesting details about this couple's story, read more

Actually, before the renovation of this chapel was complete, Cynthia Lufkin found herself battling breast cancer. While the images of the house alone stand to impress, this detail makes it much more of an inspiring coup than it seems at face value.
Be sure to check out more photos and read The New York Times story here. And, read some of our other posts on converted chapels here and here.
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A Sign From "God"

GiggleSugar — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Perhaps those lines on either side of the cross are just for decoration, or maybe they're supposed to symbolize spiritual radiance. But they look so much like quotation marks, I can't help but wonder if this is some unholy operation masquerading as a "church."

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Coveted Crib: A Converted Chapel

CasaSugar — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 08:00:00 -0800

I once brought you a cathedral converted to a bookstore which the general public could enjoy, but this Coveted Crib is a chapel converted to a private residence by Dutch architecture firm ZECC Architecten. ZECC, who once made a house with a water tower, are accustomed to working with unusual mediums. The converted chapel in question is located in Utrecht, Netherlands, and a single family now calls it home.

At its height, in the mid-20th century, the structure was part of a large housing complex for the Friars of Utrecht, housing a total of 217 residents. When 13 elderly friars moved to a nursing home, the complex was split up and converted into 40 apartments. According to Freshome:

"The design team chose to keep many of the original features like the high gothic stained glass windows and the original choir organ. To allow more light to enter the space, they cut a Mondrian-inspired glass window into the front of the house facing the street perhaps paying homage to Rietveld’s nearby infamous Schroder House. The entire living area has been whitewashed, while the private spaces above were painted dark."

The result is modern, stylish, sleek and maintains the original spatial qualities and historic and architectural elements that truly make the structure unique. To see the transformation, read more

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Source, and Source

Blessed Be Thy Water

YumSugar — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 11:15:39 -0800

I love pure drinking water just as much as the next person. However, I think California-based Wayne Enterprises might be taking the whole water trend a step too far with their new Holy Drinking Water. They claim that the water - which is blessed by priests in the company warehouse - makes you good. They also have a disclaimer for sinners:

Warning to sinners: If you are a sinner or evil in nature, this product may cause burning, intense heat, sweating, skin irritations, rashes, itchiness, vomiting, bloodshot and watery eyes, pale skin color, and oral irritations.

If you think that Holy Drinking Water is the only product on the market, then you may be surprised to hear that they actually have some competition. Spiritual Water - is it just me or does their website look thrown together? - is offering well-designed bottles that contain full-colored images of holy persons and symbols, along with prayers in English and Spanish. There are 10 different versions - each with its own message and image - including Balance Water, Focus Water, and my own personal fave: Formula J' Water. Spiritual Water also donates ten cents from every bottle sold to The Spiritual Foundation for children in need.

What do you guys think? Is it really necessary, or is it just some folks who found their niche market?

This Just In: Merkx+Girod Architects Win 2007 Dutch Interior Design Prize

CasaSugar — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 11:00:45 -0800

Unlike the converted cathedral that I mused over in September, Merkx+Girod Architects' redesign of the former Dominican Church in Maastricht, Holland, is for all eyes to see. Merkx+Girod were approached by the Dutch booksellers Selexyz (think Barnes & Noble), who asked them to convert the thirteenth-century church into a modern bookstore. Their redesign carried the year, making them the winner of the 2007 Dutch Interior Design Prize.

With only 750 square meters of available space, Merkx+Girod were asked to create 1,200 square meters of commercial area. Instead of creating several floors within, which would destroy the buildings unreplicable spacial quality, they built a monumental walk-in, three-story bookcase situated a-symmetrically inside the church. Climbing the "bookflat" rewards the customers with a close-up of ancient murals and stunning views, paying homage to the building's details rather than concealing them.

What's interesting is the new way you can experience an existing structure. Not only have the structure's religious purposes been abandoned, which is something separate to mull over, but the word "church" now connotes an entirely alternative destination. Reading in church, not unusual, is not at all what it once was. Visitors can also experience the ancient architecture from a whole new variety of angles, which symbolizes not just a functional rebirth, but a physical one as well.

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Midday Muse: Serious Cathedral Ceilings

CasaSugar — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 11:28:17 -0700

This church-turned-house in Brisbane, Australia, (via Desire to Inspire) gives new meaning to the term "cathedral ceilings," and it looks downright peaceful. How do you feel about high ceilings?